I had a dream…
It’s probably intense for many I’m sure. That’s your invitation to leave 😉
The good news is it’s not just cathartic for me but possibly others too. Hence why I’m sharing.
“You watched me burn”
I live in a small ish town of 20k. On the tip of a lake. This dream took place in my town. We have an old downtown with brick buildings and the iron staircase I used to walk up at 13 years old from the 1800s. When I was in theatre at the building behind me still remains. Or it did 6 years ago. How would I know now?
So, I’m in the town square which faces railroad tracks. And there are so many people present. They are numbered in the thousands. Many familiar faces. It’s not for a festival or anything of that sort though. And I seem to be present. I’m on a stake in front of all of these people. High up. Lots of material is surrounding me that you use to apparently burn people at the stake. Not a thought I’ve thought of often. The library I grew up in and raised my children in … behind me.
And the thing is, I’m on fire. Literally. And all of these people, so many I know and had amazing relations with for years…. Watch. No one attempts to do anything. One man holds a bucket of water and he doesn’t even attempt to dampen a morsel of fire, his wife holds his hand back when he thinks of it.
The Dr that I told I couldn’t eat to in 2009 while my 4 year old played legos on the floor and the dr dismissed my concerns despite rapid weight loss. He told me to get some ensure drinks. Drink 3 a day. I did. I got so much sicker. He’s there. The friends that watched me fall, literally, some of them, there. My family. There. So many people. All of these people decided that I wasn’t worth saving. One choice and one decision at a time. The aunts and uncles and cousins whom ignored me after I became bedridden. There. The nurse I went to highschool with whom is my nurse in er upon an ambulance trip, she’s horrified I’ve lost so much function. I need assistance sitting on commode once I can. She doesn’t ask me what happened. Or offer to help. She says, “are you still with your husband?” And after treating me in er ( i was very kind and soft spoken), she unfriends me on social media. The dr that was going to be my savior people said snd he told me. The llmd. 2017. Then when I lost the ability to walk he told me not to go in a wheelchair bc it’s habit forming. No mri. No blood tests in 1 1/2 years. I literally couldn’t walk. He quickly changed his tune and began blaming me as I lay in fetal position on his table with a hr of 200 anytime I tried to move. He puts me on benzos. Agsin. Against my will and says ptsd is to cause for my losing ability to walk and obvious dysautonomia and adrenal dysfunction. If I don’t take the benzos… he says he will no longer treat me. Ahhhh, and yet another knife. He was going to be a warrior friend. He understood Lyme disease he told me. He was unlike the other drs I’d seen. …, until my case was too complicated. Then it was on my shoulders.
You see, you can’t stay too close to lepers. And in many peoples eyes, I became a leper in 2017.
The friend whom was an acupuncturist and came over one night to tell me I need to try harder. After she just saw me almost die the year before giving 500% and doing iv antibiotics in hospital etc. that I’m not going to get better if I don’t sit up. But I can’t I say. I can hardly breathe and talk to you laying here. She later tells friends, I’m ‘lucky’ my husband stayed with me. She had to work really hard as a single mom and can’t take time to just lay in bed when she doesn’t feel well. It’s implied I’m lazy. Don’t care. Negligent. Define evidence of the exact opposite.
“Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, you're not a prophet
Have you forgotten that you're godless?
Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, you're on your knees, and
You're tryna to speak, beggin' me please,
but Don't even say what you're gonna say
It's too late, too late, baby
Why did you wait to finally change?
It's too late, too late to save me, oh, oh, oh
You watched me
Burn, burn, burn
You watched me
Burn, burn, burn
You watched me”
(David kushner/burn)
Each of these people watched me burn. Each one. Each dr in that audience that dismissed my dying body for YEARS. Each person who said they cared about me but had a knife waiting in their hand in a variety of ways. Each person I gave love to but was despised, resented and sometimes hated in return…
This is a dangerous world to have a big heart.
It could get you burned.
At some point and time, the scapegoat transforms. Scapegoat was most likely carved into my aura by my mother at birth. Not her fault. She’s repeating patterns that are hard af to break. Nothing is forever. Everything is malleable.
So, my soul and physical vessel meet at some point to witness eons of anger. Why do people burn people at the stake? It’s one of the most horrific and bizarre concepts if you think about it. Yet, my heart rises above. I wouldn’t say I carry deep love for the people that watched me burn but I see their wounds and shadows. My existence has triggered in them existential crises they are not yet capable of facing. Because if my story is true, it shifts the narrative. And if I teach people how to heal and remember who they are (I was an unemployed ‘healer’ for years pre getting sick) it doesn’t always cause feelings of freedom at first. Many times, anger. Because why was it ever kept from us? And who did this woman ever think she was to not go along with the controlled narrative paradigm society has been a part of for centuries?
Sometimes it’s easier to sacrifice the truth than it is to face it.
And, whilst In flames, I emerge in an obviously different state than 3d reality and walk to the fountain approximately 40 feet away. I enter the water. The cool, calming and healing water…. And I put myself out.
This time, I stop the fire.
Everyone just watches. No one attempts to assist or help someone whom has just defied the laws of physics. And I emerge.
I am whole. I no longer feel the deep fear. I no longer have any concern or care about the judgments I’ve faced in this lifetime. And I’m in an ivory peasant type dress with gold in my hair snd I walk until right before the library. As I walk past the people, I hold space for everyone that has been so deceptively deceived for eons. I hold space for the realities they have to project and protect to keep their families going. I do not hate these people. I feel a neutral transmutation. And I arrive at a golden circle on the asphalt. And there are angels of the most beautiful and to my left, my sweet daughter. She holds my hand. And we perform energy work and send immense love to this pocket of Gaia and humanity.
To me.
To me too.
Because I deserve love.
I was never bad.
Just incredibly misunderstood in an insane world with insane objectives.
Because, I put out my own fire
And in the end, it was my own self love that I needed to save myself.
And God always had me.
I just had to remember my own power.
It’s probably intense for many I’m sure. That’s your invitation to leave 😉
The good news is it’s not just cathartic for me but possibly others too. Hence why I’m sharing.
“You watched me burn”
I live in a small ish town of 20k. On the tip of a lake. This dream took place in my town. We have an old downtown with brick buildings and the iron staircase I used to walk up at 13 years old from the 1800s. When I was in theatre at the building behind me still remains. Or it did 6 years ago. How would I know now?
So, I’m in the town square which faces railroad tracks. And there are so many people present. They are numbered in the thousands. Many familiar faces. It’s not for a festival or anything of that sort though. And I seem to be present. I’m on a stake in front of all of these people. High up. Lots of material is surrounding me that you use to apparently burn people at the stake. Not a thought I’ve thought of often. The library I grew up in and raised my children in … behind me.
And the thing is, I’m on fire. Literally. And all of these people, so many I know and had amazing relations with for years…. Watch. No one attempts to do anything. One man holds a bucket of water and he doesn’t even attempt to dampen a morsel of fire, his wife holds his hand back when he thinks of it.
The Dr that I told I couldn’t eat to in 2009 while my 4 year old played legos on the floor and the dr dismissed my concerns despite rapid weight loss. He told me to get some ensure drinks. Drink 3 a day. I did. I got so much sicker. He’s there. The friends that watched me fall, literally, some of them, there. My family. There. So many people. All of these people decided that I wasn’t worth saving. One choice and one decision at a time. The aunts and uncles and cousins whom ignored me after I became bedridden. There. The nurse I went to highschool with whom is my nurse in er upon an ambulance trip, she’s horrified I’ve lost so much function. I need assistance sitting on commode once I can. She doesn’t ask me what happened. Or offer to help. She says, “are you still with your husband?” And after treating me in er ( i was very kind and soft spoken), she unfriends me on social media. The dr that was going to be my savior people said snd he told me. The llmd. 2017. Then when I lost the ability to walk he told me not to go in a wheelchair bc it’s habit forming. No mri. No blood tests in 1 1/2 years. I literally couldn’t walk. He quickly changed his tune and began blaming me as I lay in fetal position on his table with a hr of 200 anytime I tried to move. He puts me on benzos. Agsin. Against my will and says ptsd is to cause for my losing ability to walk and obvious dysautonomia and adrenal dysfunction. If I don’t take the benzos… he says he will no longer treat me. Ahhhh, and yet another knife. He was going to be a warrior friend. He understood Lyme disease he told me. He was unlike the other drs I’d seen. …, until my case was too complicated. Then it was on my shoulders.
You see, you can’t stay too close to lepers. And in many peoples eyes, I became a leper in 2017.
The friend whom was an acupuncturist and came over one night to tell me I need to try harder. After she just saw me almost die the year before giving 500% and doing iv antibiotics in hospital etc. that I’m not going to get better if I don’t sit up. But I can’t I say. I can hardly breathe and talk to you laying here. She later tells friends, I’m ‘lucky’ my husband stayed with me. She had to work really hard as a single mom and can’t take time to just lay in bed when she doesn’t feel well. It’s implied I’m lazy. Don’t care. Negligent. Define evidence of the exact opposite.
“Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, you're not a prophet
Have you forgotten that you're godless?
Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, you're on your knees, and
You're tryna to speak, beggin' me please,
but Don't even say what you're gonna say
It's too late, too late, baby
Why did you wait to finally change?
It's too late, too late to save me, oh, oh, oh
You watched me
Burn, burn, burn
You watched me
Burn, burn, burn
You watched me”
(David kushner/burn)
Each of these people watched me burn. Each one. Each dr in that audience that dismissed my dying body for YEARS. Each person who said they cared about me but had a knife waiting in their hand in a variety of ways. Each person I gave love to but was despised, resented and sometimes hated in return…
This is a dangerous world to have a big heart.
It could get you burned.
At some point and time, the scapegoat transforms. Scapegoat was most likely carved into my aura by my mother at birth. Not her fault. She’s repeating patterns that are hard af to break. Nothing is forever. Everything is malleable.
So, my soul and physical vessel meet at some point to witness eons of anger. Why do people burn people at the stake? It’s one of the most horrific and bizarre concepts if you think about it. Yet, my heart rises above. I wouldn’t say I carry deep love for the people that watched me burn but I see their wounds and shadows. My existence has triggered in them existential crises they are not yet capable of facing. Because if my story is true, it shifts the narrative. And if I teach people how to heal and remember who they are (I was an unemployed ‘healer’ for years pre getting sick) it doesn’t always cause feelings of freedom at first. Many times, anger. Because why was it ever kept from us? And who did this woman ever think she was to not go along with the controlled narrative paradigm society has been a part of for centuries?
Sometimes it’s easier to sacrifice the truth than it is to face it.
And, whilst In flames, I emerge in an obviously different state than 3d reality and walk to the fountain approximately 40 feet away. I enter the water. The cool, calming and healing water…. And I put myself out.
This time, I stop the fire.
Everyone just watches. No one attempts to assist or help someone whom has just defied the laws of physics. And I emerge.
I am whole. I no longer feel the deep fear. I no longer have any concern or care about the judgments I’ve faced in this lifetime. And I’m in an ivory peasant type dress with gold in my hair snd I walk until right before the library. As I walk past the people, I hold space for everyone that has been so deceptively deceived for eons. I hold space for the realities they have to project and protect to keep their families going. I do not hate these people. I feel a neutral transmutation. And I arrive at a golden circle on the asphalt. And there are angels of the most beautiful and to my left, my sweet daughter. She holds my hand. And we perform energy work and send immense love to this pocket of Gaia and humanity.
To me.
To me too.
Because I deserve love.
I was never bad.
Just incredibly misunderstood in an insane world with insane objectives.
Because, I put out my own fire
And in the end, it was my own self love that I needed to save myself.
And God always had me.
I just had to remember my own power.
