Well, i've been meaning to write this this week and today is fitting since Thich Nhat Hanh transitioned today.
I have felt a bit of the suffering and sadness in the world this week. I am sure many of you can relate. These times we are living in are so epic and take a new level to remain grounded at times through them.
One of my best friends, that is one of my only caregivers, landed in a psych ward this past week. Her difficult journey with lyme became a bit too much for her and she thank goodness survived an attempted escape from this world. My heart has been deeply saddened by this. She came into my world...to Indiana...from California in 2016. We had lost touch for years. She went to a class of mine with old friends. We reconnected. I spoke about how i had mostly recovered and was doing so much better (even though terrible things were happening again i was mostly hiding from people to try to tough through things as i desperately tried treatment after treatment). Then, when my world stopped in February 2017...she came...over and over again. She saw i wasn't being cared for. She saw i was falling. She saw i had no food made. Sh saw i needed clean bedding. She held my hand, wiped my tears and arranged a massive volunteer network for me and my children that first year. She is absolutely my angel. In all my hospitalizations that angel would show up and hold my hand for times. She would brush my hair as i couldn't. She saw my husband was completely uninvolved mostly and i was alone and on my own. She took me to ER's in the middle of the night when things increasingly became very very bad and my body shook for days and days and i could no longer lift my head... she advocated for me with the uninformed nurses when they said you can get rid of lyme disease. She fought so hard for me.
I really wish i could have fought harder for her. I've seen her slide down for so long. I invited her for a bed dance party a month ago and she did finally accept. She smiled and we had fun and laughed lots. It was short lived for her. I bought her a workbook on depression...but it overwhelmed her. I'm in such a near constant state of crisis that it can be hard for me to alwayd identify when that moment is that i should have reached out more. But i know its not about how i could have helped her. I know it comes from within her. Still, God i love that woman and i really wish i could hold her hand right now...like she did me so many times. I wish i could break her out of the psych ward which is no place for a lyme disease patient. I wish. Send her some love if you feel it tonight. Shes a pretty special person to me. To the world. Thanks friends.
"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
It's not warm when she's away
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And she's always gone too long
Anytime she's goes away
Wonder this time where she's gone
Wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Anytime she goes away..."
To close with, i would like to share the Great Bell Chant (The End of Suffering) by Thich Nhat Hahn
If you feel called, i will be doing it tonight, so join me please by simply closing your eyes and listening.
I have felt a bit of the suffering and sadness in the world this week. I am sure many of you can relate. These times we are living in are so epic and take a new level to remain grounded at times through them.
One of my best friends, that is one of my only caregivers, landed in a psych ward this past week. Her difficult journey with lyme became a bit too much for her and she thank goodness survived an attempted escape from this world. My heart has been deeply saddened by this. She came into my world...to Indiana...from California in 2016. We had lost touch for years. She went to a class of mine with old friends. We reconnected. I spoke about how i had mostly recovered and was doing so much better (even though terrible things were happening again i was mostly hiding from people to try to tough through things as i desperately tried treatment after treatment). Then, when my world stopped in February 2017...she came...over and over again. She saw i wasn't being cared for. She saw i was falling. She saw i had no food made. Sh saw i needed clean bedding. She held my hand, wiped my tears and arranged a massive volunteer network for me and my children that first year. She is absolutely my angel. In all my hospitalizations that angel would show up and hold my hand for times. She would brush my hair as i couldn't. She saw my husband was completely uninvolved mostly and i was alone and on my own. She took me to ER's in the middle of the night when things increasingly became very very bad and my body shook for days and days and i could no longer lift my head... she advocated for me with the uninformed nurses when they said you can get rid of lyme disease. She fought so hard for me.
I really wish i could have fought harder for her. I've seen her slide down for so long. I invited her for a bed dance party a month ago and she did finally accept. She smiled and we had fun and laughed lots. It was short lived for her. I bought her a workbook on depression...but it overwhelmed her. I'm in such a near constant state of crisis that it can be hard for me to alwayd identify when that moment is that i should have reached out more. But i know its not about how i could have helped her. I know it comes from within her. Still, God i love that woman and i really wish i could hold her hand right now...like she did me so many times. I wish i could break her out of the psych ward which is no place for a lyme disease patient. I wish. Send her some love if you feel it tonight. Shes a pretty special person to me. To the world. Thanks friends.
"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
It's not warm when she's away
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And she's always gone too long
Anytime she's goes away
Wonder this time where she's gone
Wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Anytime she goes away..."
To close with, i would like to share the Great Bell Chant (The End of Suffering) by Thich Nhat Hahn
If you feel called, i will be doing it tonight, so join me please by simply closing your eyes and listening.
